Few people relish the thought of taking the steps necessary to convert a failed marriage into a legally finalized divorce. The emotional letdown of a relationship that didn’t work out, the fear and anxiety over what life will look like post-marriage, and the sometimes complex and confusing paperwork and procedures that go into obtaining a divorce order that protects your interests can be overwhelming on the best of days, and debilitating on the worst of days. But, millions of people have gotten through divorce to a more sunny post-marriage life, even if it wasn’t always pretty on the way there. Here are five things to avoid as you proceed on your own divorce journey.
Giving in to a Desire to Get it Over With as Quickly as Possible
You certainly didn’t need to read this article to know that divorce is, ahem, unpleasant, to say the least. The feeling of “I just want this to be over with” is understandable, common, and perhaps healthy.
But, remember, divorce is one of the most consequential (if not the most) financial events in your life. It is hard to undo mistakes made in the divorce process, and entering into agreements affecting all of your assets and creating financial obligations that can last years should not be entered into lightly simply as a way of ending the stress of uncertainty and conflict.
Trying to Turn Children Against the Other Parent
A common misguided approach in divorce involving custody issues is for one parent to believe that he or she can gain a favorable custody arrangement by feeding information to the child – whether true, untrue, or a mix of both – that reflects badly on the other parent.
A court, not the child, will make the final custody decision, and courts want to foster ongoing relationships with the child and both parents wherever possible. Thus, one parent attempting to antagonize the other parent via the child can backfire against that parent. Instead, work with your attorney to present the necessary information regarding the other parent to the court.
Believing That “No Lawyers” Means “No Drama”
Connected with the “I just want this to be over with” attitude above, one of the great misconceptions about divorce law is that lawyers invariably make things more complicated and that attempting to finalize your divorce on your own without legal assistance will somehow lead to harmony and positive outcomes.
In many cases, trying to go it alone without attorneys leads to even bigger problems when neither party is sure of what rights they are entitled to and what obligations they may have under the law, much less the proper way to present their issues and concerns to the court to get a result that is positive for both spouses.
Assuming That Fighting is the Only Way to Get the Result They Need
Furthermore, there is also a misconception that there are only two options in a divorce: 1) fight at each other’s throats over every issue, or 2) simply give in to what the other wants so as to avoid conflict and get it over with. Plenty of couples are able to maneuver the divorce process smartly and strategically to reach mutually beneficial solutions without unnecessary battles or simply rolling over to one another.
Not Doing Their Due Diligence On Their Own Attorney
If there is one thing that can sabotage a divorce proceeding even more than a stubborn spouse, it’s an unethical and/or incompetent attorney, whether yours or your partner’s. Do your due diligence regarding finding a family law attorney to make sure you are working with someone who has your best interests at heart and the skills to reach the outcome you need.
For any questions on family law in California, contact the Law Office of Kelley C. Finan today to schedule a consultation to discuss your circumstances.