If I could sit down with every person thinking about filing for divorce and give them one piece of advice, it would be this:
Do not let your emotions make decisions your future self will have to live with.
As a California family law attorney, I have seen people make mistakes during divorce that cost them time, money, credibility, and peace of mind. Most of these mistakes are avoidable.
The reality is that divorce is both an emotional process and a legal process. The challenge is that emotional decisions often lead to poor legal outcomes.
If you are considering divorce or are already in the middle of one, here are some of the biggest mistakes I see people make.
Mistake #1: Making Decisions Based on Anger
This is probably the most common mistake.
When people are hurt, betrayed, frustrated, or angry, they often want immediate results.
That can lead to decisions such as:
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Refusing reasonable settlement offers
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Fighting over insignificant issues
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Using children as leverage
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Spending excessive money on litigation
The problem is that anger is temporary.
The consequences of divorce decisions can last for years.
Mistake #2: Focusing on Winning Instead of Solving Problems
Many people approach divorce as a competition.
They want to “win.”
The problem is that family court rarely works that way.
In most divorces, there are no true winners.
The goal should be achieving a reasonable outcome that protects your future, your finances, and your relationship with your children—not scoring points against your former spouse.
Mistake #3: Hiding Financial Information
This is a terrible idea.
California requires full and accurate financial disclosures.
Attempting to hide:
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Income
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Bank accounts
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Investments
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Business interests
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Cryptocurrency
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Real estate
can create serious legal problems and damage credibility.
Judges generally do not respond well to incomplete or dishonest disclosures.
Mistake #4: Posting Too Much on Social Media
I have said it before and I will say it again.
Assume everything you post may eventually be seen by a judge.
Social media frequently becomes evidence in divorce and custody cases.
Photos, comments, messages, and videos can all create problems when they contradict positions taken in court.
Mistake #5: Failing to Gather Financial Documents Early
One of the smartest things you can do before filing is understand your finances.
Too many people begin the divorce process without:
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Tax returns
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Bank statements
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Retirement account records
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Investment statements
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Business records
Information is power.
The more informed you are, the better decisions you can make.
Mistake #6: Putting Children in the Middle
This one deserves special attention.
Children should never be asked to choose sides.
They should never be used as messengers.
They should never be used as leverage.
And they should never be expected to carry the emotional burden of their parents’ divorce.
California courts focus on the best interests of the child, and parents should too.
Mistake #7: Ignoring the Long-Term Financial Impact
Many people focus exclusively on what they receive today.
The better question is:
What will this decision mean five years from now?
Issues involving:
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Retirement accounts
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Stock options
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Business interests
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Spousal support
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Real estate
often have long-term consequences that are not immediately obvious.
Mistake #8: Assuming the Other Party Will Be Reasonable
I wish every divorce involved two rational, cooperative adults.
Unfortunately, that is not always the case.
One of the biggest mistakes people make is assuming the other party will voluntarily provide information, comply with agreements, or cooperate throughout the process.
Sometimes they do.
Sometimes they don’t.
Having realistic expectations is important.
Mistake #9: Waiting Too Long to Get Advice
Many people spend months relying on internet forums, social media groups, and advice from friends.
The problem is that every divorce is different.
What happened in someone else’s case may have little to do with yours.
Getting accurate information early can prevent costly mistakes.
Mistake #10: Focusing Only on the Divorce and Not the Future
This is perhaps the biggest mistake of all.
People become so focused on getting through the divorce that they forget there is life afterward.
The goal is not simply to survive the divorce.
The goal is to build the next chapter of your life.
That means making decisions that support your future financial stability, emotional well-being, and family relationships.
The No-BS Reality
Divorce is rarely easy.
There will be stressful moments.
There will be frustrating moments.
There will probably be moments when you want to make decisions based purely on emotion.
Those are usually the moments when you should slow down and think carefully.
Good divorce decisions are rarely made in the heat of the moment.
Final Thoughts
The biggest mistakes people make during divorce are often avoidable.
Staying informed, focusing on long-term goals, protecting your children, understanding your finances, and making thoughtful decisions can dramatically improve both the process and the outcome.
If you are considering divorce in Torrance, Redondo Beach, Manhattan Beach, Hermosa Beach, Palos Verdes, Long Beach, San Pedro, Wilmington, or elsewhere in Los Angeles County, Finan Family Law, APC can help you understand your options and avoid the common mistakes that can complicate an already difficult situation.